Sitting in front of my laptop, facing my little window to feel the
serenity of the world outside there, I have never ceased to ponder on a lot of things based on the life issues that constantly flood my desk on
a daily basis from my loyal blog
readers.
In all, i couldn’t just bring myself to finding out what the one
thing will be, strong enough to change the love that I had built for
my-would-be- partner, if I eventually find out that he played with my
emotions , made a caricature of the selfless love i have had for him… …
Well, never mind that thought of mine, anyways….just thinking aloud, i guess!
Maybe we will explicitly talk about it some other time.
I have stories of women who are trouble because of the men in their lives…
But I will write out Rachael’s story first and then asked for your opinion as we normally do it ok…
here it is:
hey Jayne , It is terrible what some men can do because of the
inability to control themselves. Maybe, it shouldn’t be called a lack of
control, but an intentional act done to spite their wives or the women
in their lives.
My ex- husband is a good example of the epitome of lack of control in
men. Each time I think of his last escapades, l still wonder if it is
possible for Femi not to have known that Amanda, the lady he met abroad
is still the same childhood best friend whose photographs he had seen
severally in my collections. When I sit to recall some of the incidences
in my life, I find it hard to forgive…!
Amanda and I did everything together while we were growing up as
children… We went to the same primary school and the same University. We
were even posted to the same state during youth service. We had
everything in common except for the men in our lives. In fact, we nearly
liked the same men and it showed each time one of us brought home a
guy.
Amanda got a visa to Britain, but it didn’t stop our friendship. We
couldn’t always talk much because of the expensiveness of international
calls, we couldn’t even do mails because Cyber café and internet
installation was just a new development and was just finding its way
into the country to the very rich and that was back then in the late 80
and early 90s, and you know, that facebook hadn’t even become really
known. So that atleast we couldn’t even exchange current pictures.
As I was getting married, Amanda couldn’t make it to the wedding
because she didn’t have a stay permit at that time and we decided that
she shouldn’t come because she might not be able to go back if she dares
it. The marriage formality was done and life went to normal with the
twin boys coming and the girl following two years after.
It was exactly five years into my marriage when this seemingly
impossible episode took place. My husband had being a playboy before we
met, but for some time, he had being acting like a changed man. So l
thought all was well with my family. I thought he had finally settled
down to enjoy being a dad to our children and a husband and friend to
me.
At some point within the span of that five years, His company sent
him abroad for a six months course and we practically spoke every other
day while he was there. He returned back and I got a call from my best
friend, she said she was coming to Nigeria for her marriage and l was
happy for her, she also said that she was already pregnant for the man
in question. You know it was a thing of joy that I had for my best
friend and soul sister…
Eventually, Amanda came to town and rented a place, and then most of
the times l visited her because Femi returned from the office late and
the children stayed back at school for their lessons.
I found out that her husband to be’s name was also Femi with my
husband’s surname. I was surprised, but saw it as a coincidence; it was
on one of my visits to her place that l met her fiancé who happens to be
my own husband.…
tension was massively building up inside of me as Amanda excitingly
introduced my husband as her fiancé! “so what i thought about was true”!
I was totally dazed and I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t
faint… I fainted and was hospitalized for 2months cus I was deeply
traumatized.…
my family was In chaos, things were in disarray, and the most annoying part was the fact that my husband was acting as though he wasn’t aware that that was my child hood bestfriend that he had seen in pictures and I had talked about over time… apart from that, the mere fact that he got another woman pregnant was what deeply killed and traumatized me…
my family was In chaos, things were in disarray, and the most annoying part was the fact that my husband was acting as though he wasn’t aware that that was my child hood bestfriend that he had seen in pictures and I had talked about over time… apart from that, the mere fact that he got another woman pregnant was what deeply killed and traumatized me…
He took my bestfriend as a second wife, and never cared whether I
like it or not…, then I could remember he said that I still had my place
as his first wife and that he doesn’t have any intentions of having any
of his kids born out of wedlock and staying away from their father and
so I should find a way to welcome my best-friend as a second wife, after
all, she is not a total stranger.” hmmmm! can you imagine the insult
upon injury?”
This was what he said to me the last day in the hospital bed that I
laid for 2months…. And today I still sit and wonder How much pain a
woman must have to go through just because she is married to a man..
believe me, the pain some marriages come with is quite unbearable….? I
thought back then for days of How I would take the pain, and shame from
comment by mutual friends and relatives..
And you know what???
My friend, Amanda had claimed that she never knew that the man was
ever married but that she would never let him go for me, … and that she
didn’t care anymore. she is taking her happiness over our long
childhood friendship… “what a traitor of friendship I had”…
I didn’t return back, home from the hospital….I left home and never
came back….but yes, my three kids are grown teenagers now, and just days
back I heard my husband’s voice after 12yrs begging me to forgive him
over the phone, telling me how much of a wreck he has been made to
become because of the woman he took as a wife… she had lost her baby and
refused to take in again….
After 12yrs, my kids are begging me alongside their father to come
back home after all the pain, shame and abuse, I collected from folks,
that my husband put me through? And you might wanna ask where the so
called bestfriend is right now, she ran off with a boy much younger than
she is, eloped…in Lagos….
12years after that traumatic experience, is a long time for me to go
back to my family again, don’t you think… not after struggling on my own
from the scratch…
My heart is no longer there but my kids are involved and they want me
to see reasons why I have to go back to a man who is now wrecked,
wretched and down with prostrate cancer…? If you were in my shoes what
would you do…?
Culled from EJJ
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